Aging

I wish I could say that the number doesn't bother me and it never has.  However, it does bother me and since I turned 30 it always has.  The year I was about to turn 30, I was so depressed that I only wanted to stay home on New Year's Eve and cry.  I can't remember if that is the year my sister MADE me go out or if I really did stay home and cry but I most certainly did not feel like celebrating.  In a little over a year, I will turn 50.  I wasn't too concerned when I turned 40 because I was a first time Mother to a beautiful baby boy and I was kind of busy trying to figure that part of life out.  My buddy D-Rock keeps telling me, "Don't tell anyone Yo!  You don't look your age."  In my head that used to be true.

I think that how well we age is largely determined by genetics.  My Mom who is in her late 60's barely has any wrinkles and she smokes.   My brother Jerry and myself have the face shape and eyes that make it hard to believe our true age.   My sister, Laurie and my brother, Jeremy look great as well.   Environmental factors can also affect this such as getting too much sun.  When I did lay out in the sun, I always covered my face with a towel.  Sometimes when I see women who like the head to toe tanned look including their face, I feel like telling them, "Girl, you're skin is going to be like leather when you get older."
 I'm beginning to notice the little things like drier skin, small wrinkles under my eyes, a few more brown spots and grey hairs here and there.  The worst is when we are talking about  Magic FM and the DJ's tell me that I'm not in demo.

Thankfully, society seems as though they are starting to embrace aging.  Did you see the Mac cosmetics campaign with this woman?  Her name is Iris and she designed her own line!  The line sold out in record time.  I love it! 
The Today Show did a story on a woman who began modeling in her 60's.  She had naturally grey hair and she looked fabulous. 

Maybe age is just a state of mind--I'll keep that in mind when I'm looking in the mirror.  I love spending time with my Grandma Geiser.  She has her favorite stories that she tells over and over again and there are two things she always says to me:  "All I have left at my age are my memories. I don't have anything to look forward to, I only have my memories."  She also says that although she is 97 (or is it 98?) years old, she still feels like a young girl.  I feel that way too, I'm almost 50 years old but I don't feel that old.  My husband says I don't act my age but I'm not sure he means that as a compliment.  Then I wonder, which girl am I?  The 25 year old, the 33 year old or the 48 year old?  Each of those decades, I was a different person with different experiences.  Sometimes, I will wonder if I should be wearing a particular shirt "at my age" then I decide that I really don't care--I'm sure my husband will tell me if I look ridiculous.  Sometimes I think about the "I Shoulds" then I decide that I really don't care.  I've always enjoyed life 110% and as long as I can do that I'll be happy.  Maybe I'll have botox to smooth the lines on my forehead--maybe I won't.  I can't have plastic surgey so that isn't a consideration.  I'm not so sure I'm willing to age gracefully, I kind of want to put up a fight.  I kind of think I don't have a choice in this matter.  Getting old kind of sucks.