What if...

This is a "What if.." blog but I hate "What if's" because you never REALLY know how you will respond, what you will do unless you are in the exact same situation some day.  The know it alls will say, "Of course I know what I would do based on my morals, opinions, blah, blah, blah."  You don't know because you aren't emotionally invested, because you don't know what it's like to make that spur of the moment decision, because you haven't had to experience the situation.

Here's the "What If"--What if you found out that you only have two years to live? This happened to a friend of mine from the radio world--Jim Berry.  I copied the following from his Facebook page:

"I’ve loved, loved, loved all the well wishes, prayers, and kind words as my family and I have gone through all the tests and news of breast cancer. I want you to know it takes something like this for you to re-evaluate your life and how you truly should live each day like it was your last. Have you? Maybe this will help you re-think. The bone biopsy of my spine revealed that my breast cancer as...

metastasized (spread). I now have stage 4 breast cancer, it is inoperable and incurable. My prognosis is 2 years. Do I think I will live longer than that, yes I do, no question. So consider me lucky, because I know my window, I know now that spending time with my girls and friends have an all new priority. DO NOT feel sorry for me, instead embrace your life and how you live it and let me be an inspiration in the future on how to live life to its fullest however much time we have left. God bless and Go Broncos!"

When I first read this, I thought, "How sad!"  Then I realized here is a man who will spread the word on getting checked.  Here is a man who knows how many days he has left.  Here is a man who can tie up the loose ends, who can tell the people that need to know that he loves them, he can savor every moment like it's his last one.  He can live and until death he is a Bronco fan!  Gotta love that!  So, why does it take a death sentence to remind us that we need to live? 

When someone close to us dies, we always say it, we always promise it but we never do it.  We promise ourselves to live every day like it was our  last but let's face it, that's impossible to do because short term and long term decisions don't always go together.  Here is my list of  things I would do, if I knew when I was going to die:

1.  I would call my Mom and Dad not only to tell them that I love them.  I would also tell them all the special moments when they did what Mom and Dad's do but they still meant a lot to me. 

2.  I would write letters to Blake because he needs to know that I will always be there for him even when I can't be there.  That he is the BEST thing that ever happened to me, that I love him with all of my heart, and that I'm proud of him always, no matter what.

3.  I would go on a trip with my husband--just the two of us.  We would laugh and drink and party like there was no tomorrow.  I would tan my entire body and face without worrying about wrinkles.  I would buy Chiclets from every child that came up to me.

4.  I would go on a trip with my sister because we get each other and we always have fun wherever we go.  I would hug and kiss her and thank her for taking the risks that I wouldn't.  I would tell her how much I admire her for taking care of everyone, for having a big heart and a soul that is kind.  I would also give her all of my clothes and jewelry only keeping a few things, freeing myself of most of my material possessions.

5.  I would hug and kiss all of my nieces and nephews and tell them how much I love them and why they are SO special to me.

6.  I would eat anything I want without worrying about gaining weight.

7.  I would sleep in because I like to sleep and I wouldn't worry about sleeping my  life away. 

8.  I would call all of my Aunts and Uncles to tell them thank you and I love you because they were there for me as much as my parents were.

9.  I would climb a mountain.

10.  I would give my favorite rocks to all of my favorite people.

11.  I would visit La Veta and the house that built me one last time.  I would go to my sisters , my Grandpas and my Grandmas' graves to tell them that I would see them soon and I miss them. 

12. I would walk on the beach one more time.

13.  I would go snorkeling with my son while we hold hands because that was truly one of the best experiences in my life.

14.  I would give my high school BFF all the notes we wrote each other in high school because I saved them all and because we are still teenage girls in our hearts. 

15.  I would cry myself to sleep every night because no one wants to leave their life.

16. I wouldn't feel guilty if I left someone out because I'm confident that you know I love you.

You know, it doesn't take knowing when I will die to do these things.  I do them now to some degree but I would do them more and I would savor each moment that much more.  Good luck Jim!   You have done so much to brighten peoples days and you are such a proud Father and Grandfather.   Thanks for the inspiration.

10 years later

On October 11,  2002 Annette Geiser and Darrell Reagan said those two little words that bind two people and their families together "till death do us part".  I'll be the first to say that until death do us part is hard!  I was 39 years old when I got married.  My Aunt Donna actually hugged Darrell and said, "I can't believe she did it.  I thought she would never get married."  That was very encouraging for my husband on our wedding day.  I have had other long term relationships but the weight of the commitment was not there.  I'll be the first to say that I've always had issues with commitment--it took me way too long to buy a house.   The week after I got a VERY small, easy to hide tattoo I had a panic attack due to the permanence of that spur of the moment decision.  It was a MAJOR MAJOR decision when I got my first dog--Bubba, the Akita.    Eventually, I bought a house, I started to laser off the tattoo but it hurt like hell so I haven't finished and Bubba went everywhere with me for eleven years.  When Darrell Reagan asked me to marry him, I said yes.  I teased him about the manner of the proposal but as he says, every time he had a big plan, I did something to make him mad and question his decision.  True Story.  We quickly planned a beautiful wedding in front of our friends and family. 

So at the age of 39 I finally got married and a year later I became a mother.  We were married in October, Blake was born in September--do the math, it was not a shot gun wedding.  When people, would ask me why I wasn't married I would say, "Because I'm hard to get along with."  Honestly, sometimes, I am.  I like to get my way, I am very opinionated, I am stubborn and I can be what I call "stupid stubborn"  (my brother does that too.) . I  also have a tendency to separate myself from others when I'm mad or sad.  Conversely, I think I can be a lot of fun to be with, I am generous and I am very protective of my family and my home.  Darrell is very easy going and seems quiet but he is not a push over.  He is a little more sensitive then what I was used to and he is very smart.  I'm not saying I'm smarter than most people but I can convince people that I'm right.  Due to his intelligence, he could shoot holes through most of my arguments despite my high level of passion.   In the beginning, it was tough to say the least but we persevered and we made it to the ten year mark.  What was the over and under on that?  Some people say that I changed a lot when I became a mother but it was really the combination of the marriage and our baby.

When I look at my parents who have been married almost 50 years, the 10 year mark seems like a small stepping stone but I truly believe that my stubbornness (and his)  is a strength and the secret to a marriage that lasts.   There were times that we wanted to give up but we didn't.  I'm sure there were times my parents wanted to give up but they didn't.  You also need anchors like your children, your belief in the commitment to each other and to both of our families.  I can't imagine life without my Mom and Dad and brothers and sisters and I can't imagine my life without Pama and Papa, Kate, John, Addy, Marlena and Karston.

We have shared incredibly joyous occasions like the birth of our son.  We have shared painfully sad occasions when I cried like a blubbering idiot.  Darrell is always there for me to help me smile, to help me heal and to help me make important decisions.   Nothing could erase or take away these moments in our life.  We aren't perfect and we don't get along all of the time but we are still together.

Cheers to 10 more years together Darrell Reagan--I love you. 

Jury Duty

So, this week I had to report to the court house for jury duty.  I fully expected to sit there for four hours only to be excused however, I was selected to the jury.  I didn't try any outlandish statements to get out of it but I was honest and that didn't seem to scare either of the lawyers off so I made the cut.  We were chosen, we were sworn in and the process was explained to us.  I was reminded of a play we performed in high school "12 Angry Men" which also reminds me of Cole Goemmer's absolute refusal to wear make-up.  Make-up is important in theatre because the stage lighting washes out your face and features, which of course did not matter to Cole Goemmer.  Anyway, in the play it's an "open and shut" murder case.  As you probably know from watching all of the court room dramas, the jury verdict must be unanimous.  The jury votes and 11 are guilty and 1 man votes non-guilty.  He voted non-guilty for the sake of discussion and he wanted to make sure they were doing the right thing.  In a small, hot room the arguments ensue revealing a complex mixture of preconceptions, different backgrounds, and personality types.    Normally, I don't give away the ending but I doubt that anyone will rush out and rent the movie or read the play but the jury after analyzing the evidence votes not guilty and an innocent man is not sent to death row.

"Our" case was pretty straight forward, a prison inmate who incessantly wrote letters to the judge who presided over his trial and later sued making it necessary for a new judge to take over, was charged with retaliation towards a judge for saying "You ass is mine" in a letter followed by self defense no robbery.  When we first heard these words, I thought, "That doesn't make sense, what does that mean?"  The District Attorney's office had to prove beyond a reasonable doubt that he was threatening the judges based on this one sentence in this letter.  I have a problem with reasonable doubt because to me there is always reasonable doubt.  If a crime is committed and we do not have DNA or witnesses the only ones that truly know what happened are God and that person.  Even when a confession is involved, doubt can be cast as there have been instances where confessions sometimes aren't true due to coercion and the need to protect someone.  Anyway, to make her case she droned on and on, asking questions and confirming facts that didn't matter almost putting us to sleep.  The defense attorney stood up, made his point and sat down--I was SO thankful for his brevity.  He also made me smile because he would use a big word, then he would explain what it meant--well done sir.  She, the district attorney lawyer, did not wear make-up, had a strange voice and did not smile.  I get that our jobs on that day were serious but it was a little much and the fact of the matter is even lawyers are selling something. She did not do a very good job on selling us on why he should be convicted..    The defense attorney's point and I agreed--"Your Ass is Mine" can mean many things and does not necessarily mean the intent to harm.

We go into the room to deliberate and at this point we hadn't really had to chance to "visit" with each other.    There was a "techie' who immediately took charge so I nominated him as jury foreman and he won.  There was a conservative soft spoken woman, an older woman, a sweet mother of two, a young blue collar worker, a teacher with chest tattoos, retired military gentleman, a very fashionable heavier lady with lots of diamonds and make-up, and three more very quiet jurors.  In a nut shell these were my impressions and then there was me.  I can't say it's genetic but Geiser's are opinionated and stubborn and I am not the exception.  Once we have made up our minds, it is difficult if not impossible to get us to change it.  My mind was made up, there was reasonable doubt and he was not guilty.   Geiser get-togethers quickly become very boisterous and loud arguing about stupid stuff like " the best NFL quarterback ever" so I had to tell myself to give my reasoning, breathe deep and be patient.  There were points when I thought the other jurors were going to go the other way and I was not going to back down on my stance.  I felt people digging in their heels at certain points.  I was impressed with the group in that they took it seriously and they knew that this was important.  They saw the man sitting in the defendants chair as a human being, as a person that mattered and someone who deserved us carefully making our decisions.  The nature of an analytical always clashes with mine as they need to analyze every little thing. I had to work hard to suppress my inability or desire to dissect every little thing.    So something that would have taken an hour with a driver like me, took three hours. (sigh)

I must say that I was very impressed with our group.  They were intelligent, they were fair, and they were articulate.  Sticking me in a room for 8 hours where I have to sit and listen to someone else talk is pure torture for me.  Then sitting in a room having to come to a 100% consensus gave me great anxiety and we did ask, "What happens if we can't all agree?"  When someone doubted her decision, diamond lady suggested taking a break to give her time to think.  The sweet mother of two verbalized what we were all thinking, "What if we make the wrong decision."  Ultimately, we came to a unanimous decision of not guilty and someone mentioned the district attorney "getting on their nerves" and I laughed as I felt the same way but did not verbalize it.  So, through a process that was pure torture for me I learned that people do care, that we can be fair and that showmanship and salesmanship are important in any profession.  I also learned that a comma can save your life.

What is wrong with people?

So, I was thinking about this yesterday then there was a story on the news this morning that confirmed my need to spout about this.  Apparently, a professor who is a single mom had to take her baby to her lecture because he had a fever.  She could not take him to day care due to the fever and she did not have a back up sitter.  She didn't want to miss her first lecture so she took the baby with her.  No big deal until she BREAST FED the baby in front of the class.  I'm in favor of breast feeding and my Mom breast fed all of us but when did it become acceptable to whip out your boob and feed your baby in front of a college class room?!  A few weeks ago we were at some family theme park, I'm walking along and I look over and there's a woman breast feeding her baby.  It was awkward, I had to do a double take and my son says, "Mom did you see that!"  I simply said, "Yes she's feeding her baby."  It's natural, it's accepted and believe me I think breast feeding is awesome BUT cover up your boob, there are capes, blankets and special devices to help you with the cover up.  You can also go to a private room--share the moment with your child in private.  AND then there's the option of the bottle.  I know, I know--it's crazy and unheard of but it is an option.

On another note, you can show your boobs whenever you want like in New Orleans,  on a nude beach, at rock concerts and with your boyfriend/husband.   I don't recommend it as a career move unless you are a stripper or an actress.  I also don't recommend it at family parks or church.

Did you see the story about the woman who tried potty training her daughter in the middle of a restaurant?  I did not read the specifics but once again, "WHAT was she thinking?"  It's a restaurant, there are other people trying to enjoy their meal and they might think that's gross, unhygienic and embarrassing.  I've been there, potty training is hard.  That is why my Mother finished potty training our son when she came to stay with us for a week.  It takes discipline, focus and attention so STAY HOME or invite your Mom to come stay with you for a week.  I don't know what to say about this one.  Have people lost all sense of dignity?  What if the poor child ends up not being able to go to the bathroom unless she is in the middle of a restaurant or in public?  That will cause problems later in life--I'm just sayin. 

AND another thing--can you believe that New York banned the sale of super size soft drinks?  Why does government think it's their job to fix us?  You can't protect people from themselves.  If I'm a fat ass who doesn't want to exercise or change my eating habits that my problem.   This is not only a personal rights/choice issue it's also a capitalistic issue.  You are limiting a business' opportunity to increase sales.

It's really SO ridiculous.I'm sure there are other stories out there and don't get me wrong I've definitely done some embarrassing people in public but my fodder is people I don't know or people I do know.  I try not to call myself out and my coping mechanism is memory loss. 

Jerry D. Geiser, Gillette, Wyoming

Father's Day has past but I did not forget to write a blog about my Dad.  All little girls look up to their Dad and I think that all little girls are Daddy's little girl.  In some ways, I don't know where to start--there are so many things to write about my Dad.  So, let's see how many bullet points we end up with today:

• Dad is what we call a "oner" --One of a kind.  When he makes a phone call or introduces himself, "Jerry D. Geiser, Gillette, Wyoming."  That always makes us chuckle.  He is also a champ at making up words.  For the longest time, I thought most of his words, really were words only to find out that Dad made them up.
• Mom and Dad were high school sweet hearts and he has always loved her more than anything.  He gave me some picture books he used to carry in his truck so I could copy the pictures.  The books were filled with pictures of Mom.  Two of them touched my heart--one had a newspaper clipping by it that said "Love at first sight" and the other was the two of them in a passionate embrace--kissing.  Both of them have stayed with each other through thick and thin and through many ups and downs but he loves her like all girls hope to be loved some day.  Laurie and I want to write a book about their love story, it's truly one worth writing.
• Dad has always loved to play poker, long before playing poker was the hip thing to do.  He's pretty good at it too.  He taught us to play poker and it's a long standing tradition to play poker at Geiser Thanksgiving.  Grandpa Geiser loved playing poker too.  They played many games at the Truck Stop and some of his poker comments are products of those games, for instance if we are playing too slow, he says, "Come on Thodore."  Apparently Uncle Theodore could take a while when playing his cards. 
• Dad LOVES the Denver Broncos.  We used to go to the games on a bus from Colorado Springs.  One year, Dad and his best friend, Eddie Shrout, wore Bronco boxers over their jeans and paraded around the stadium with a Bronco banner.  They were so much fun.
• Dad always had big dogs, Geman Shepards or Black Labs and they all had the same names.  King for the German Shepards and Snowball for the Black Labs.   We had a variety of other dogs a mutt named Ceasar and a yellow lab.  Dad loved his dogs and his dogs loved him.  Now believe it or not, he has two Shih Tzu's and he loves those dogs.  The Geiser men are softening up in their old age.
• Dad loves his newspapers.  He has a whole stack that he reads through every day.  Even if he is a little behind, he still reads them and he is a plethora of information.
• Dad is strong--both physically and emotionally.  I only remember him crying a few times--when my Grandpa Galvan died. when my sister died and when Grandpa Geiser died.  I was a little girl when Grandpa Galvana and Jeanette died but it  broke my heart to see him that sad.





Mom's high school picture






Dad's Best Friend, Eddie Shrout






Grandpa Geiser

• Dad can be spontaneous and so fun loving.  After Jeanette died, he came home one day and said, "Pack your bags kids we're going to Disney Land."  And we did--it's a great memory. 

There are so many little things to write about my Dad.  I love him and I respect him a great deal.  He's made mistakes in his life but I'll always look up to him and I will always love him.  He's a oner.

Life Lessons

I did not accept that I was meant to be a Mother until very late in life.  Maybe because it took me a VERY long time to meet the right person to be the father and husband who could put up with me on a long term basis.  I'm one of those people that does not have issues with being alone, maybe because most of my life has been spent around big hoards of people.  When you are a member of my family there is no such thing as a small event and this is a fact that my husband has had , at times, some getting used to.    He comes a small family nucleus with few extended family and many close friends.  I come from the Geisers who started out with 8 brothers and sister and the Galvans who started out with only 4 sisters and a brother.  Add in the cousins, extended aunts and uncles and you end up with a Thanksgiving meal at our house with 65 in attendance.    Anyway, I digress, being a mother has taught be many lessons so far and many more to come.  Now, I recognize why my Dad was so protective and so strict.  It made me crazy when I was a teenager but I am thankful now.   Some of these lessons seem like a no-brainer in retrospect but clearly, I don't always think these things through.    So, continuing with my infatuation with bullet points here you go:

• Do not let a bottle feeding baby have too much egg nog even though he REALLY loves it.  On the way home from a trip to La Veta to visit Grandma Rita and Grandma Geiser we stopped at Farm Crest for some egg nog.  I gave some to Blake in his bottle and he really liked it so I gave him more.  Darrell and I can't remember how much I gave him but it was too much.  Later that night when Darrell was about to leave for his first poker tournament at a friends house, I was feeding Blake right before his bed time and Blake started projectile vomiting.  Lesson #1:  Even though they REALLY like it, don't let them have too much.  This leads to lesson #2....
• When a baby starts projectile vomiting, don't hold the baby straight out, screaming while turning in circles around the room.  Clean up is much harder this way.  Since we are discussing vomiting there is another valuable lesson I must point out.  When Blake was 5 years old, he came down with the flu in the middle of the night.  First bout of puking was in his bed I got up, changed his pajamas, rolled the sheet up in a ball and brought him to my bed.  Second bout of puking was in my bed, we got up, changed pajamas rolled up the sheets and went downstairs to the couch.  This time I figured it out and had him lay on the couch with a bucket directly underneath his head and told him to to puke on the couch because we were running out of places to go.    Luckily, Blake doesn't get sick very often because I listened to Grandma Geiser when she gave me this VERY sage piece of advise--don't be too sterile and let them eat dirt.
• Kids are the BEST negotiators in the world and I'm a sucker for puppy dog eyes.  Sometimes, I think that Blake's the best at this but I'm beginning to think it's all kids and I have a serious soft spot in my heart for kids so I'm especially gullible.   I'll tell Blake something like, you can't play until you finish your homework and he'll say how about....and we're right back to wear we started.  When we use the Love and Logic lesson of giving him choices, we will give choice A and choice B and Blake will always add the choice C. 
• This lesson is partially a valuable lesson from a very wise client of mine and a valuable lesson in over-confidence.  Blake said to me one day, "Mom did you know that the United States is not very good at math.  Thank goodness they have me, right Mom?"   Blake is VERY good at math and at the beginning of the school year scored high in testing.  He could figure out addition and subtraction in his head with out using his fingers and toes, I can't even do that.  He was moved to advanced math course work however through out the school year his test scores started to go down.  I had challenged him to get all 4's on his report card with the reward of getting ANY Lego he wanted.  When we got his final report card I'm going through each section and he was doing well with 4's and 5's then I got to math where he had all 4s except addition and subtraction where Blake was graded with 2's.  Honestly, shock and disbelief over came all three of us.  My mind flashed back to a client who told me this story:  She had recommended to a male client to recognize his son for his great work within the company.  He thought for a moment then said, " The male ego is a funny thing.  If you pump it up too much they quit trying.  You're right, I probably do need to recognize him."

I did a great job at picking a good Father.  Darrell is the right mix of compassion and strictness.  I know he gets frustrated with me because I am such a softy but he balances me out.  As parents, we want to raise a successful, happy and healthy man and we won't know if we've done a good job until he forges out into the world.  I'm sure there will be some disappointments along the way and I pray that we are doing the right things.  I watched the movie "One Day" yesterday.  It's kind of sappy and predictable but I wasn't feeling well and it was easy to watch.  The handsome young man in the movie was visiting his ill mother and at that point in his life was into stardom, alcohol and drugs and his state of disarray was very apparent.  His mother looked at him and said something like, "I'm sure that some day you will be the man I dreamed you would be.  Loving, caring and successful with a sense of purpose in your life.  You aren't that man now and I hope I live to see the man I know you will be."  As parents, it's all we can hope for, I suppose, but it was heartbreaking as it took a long time for him to get there and she didn't get to see it in reality although she knew it in her heart. 

Mother's Day

Mother's Day is this Sunday.  The day created by the florist and card industries to increase sales and as a student of marketing, I say good job to them for doing this however, it's a little sad that we had to create a day to show Mother's our appreciation for them.  I never realized how hard it is to be a Mother until I became one.  First of all, there is NOTHING like the unconditional love you feel for your children.  A mother polar bear will give up her own life to protect her cubs from a starving a male.  I truly believe that I would give up my life for my son.  Being a good mother is one of the most selfless things that I have ever done. 

Now that I am a mother, I look at my Mom and I marvel at how strong she is, how much she sacrificed for us and the incredible amount of work she did to take care of us.  I look at her Mom and all of the Mom's that surrounded us in our Grandma Tina, Grandma Geiser and all of our aunts.  We were raised as a herd of children, together all of the time, sometimes different rules and sometimes different lifestyles--always together.  They were good Mom's.  They weren't perfect all the time--we aren't perfect all of the time but it's true that they would do anything for us.

This will not be a long blog as most of us love our Moms.   Some of you know my Mom Marie and some of you do not.  We have so many funny stories about her, she is feisty, fun, beautiful, smart and SO talented at many things.  She is a great cook.  She is independent.  She is loyal.  She has been some very difficult moments in her life and I'm sure that her heart has been broken a million times but she is strong.  She is a wonderful grandmother.   Blake went to La Veta with her for a week and they loved watching the hummingbirds  behind Aunt Donna's house so Blake started calling her Honey-bird.  He loved sitting in the back yard with her--just hanging out.  She is a great grandmother.

Mom taught me to be independent.  She taught me to stand up for myself.  She taught me to be strong.  She brought me into the world.  She is my world.  I love you Mir--your the best!

People don't belong in boxes

So, I've been thinking about the labels connected to certain belief systems.   For instance, I am a Catholic.  I hadn't been a practicing Catholic for many years and have re-committed to attending church regularly with my son.  I considered going to another church but there is comfort in knowing what expect.  I was a little annoyed that they changed some of the responses because I have to follow along in the guide now. 

There are some things that go along with "being a Catholic" that should define who we are but do they?  For instance, did you know that 98% of Catholics use birth control.  Clearly, the Catholic church is against birth control.  They actually protested Obama's plan to guarantee a health care provision for birth control.  I'm thinking that Catholics married or not are against unplanned pregnancies so they take birth control despite the Catholic churches stance.  I'm not suggesting that an entire religion should change it's belief system because we don't want to follow the rules but the world has changed.  There was a time when the mortality rate for babies and children was very high.  It was important to encourage procreation to insure the survival of our race and our religion.  Today, we have become adept at saving babies, children and mothers.   Clearly, the Bible is against pre-marital sex and adultry but it might make sense to condone birth control for married couples.  In fact, I know this isn't possible but the church requires classes before couples are married by the church maybe they should require classes before you can have sex without birth control.  Don't get all up in arms people!  I'm just saying that I can name at least 5 BIG cases where people should clearly NOT have children--EVIL people not the guy that spanks his son in Walmart.  Keep in mind, this is a forum for MY opinion only.  Seriously, there are people that do not have the ability to place their children's needs before their own at an extreme level and they should not be parents.

The other belief box that bugs me are Republicans versus Democrats.  Honestly, what does abortion and same sex marriage have to do with politics?  These are MORAL and PERSONAL issues.  I am a professed Republican but I have taken the quizzes encompassing the candidate that matches your views and for 2012 there isn't one.  Should I vote for a Democrat?  OMG--I don't know.  So the box I don't fit into--I would not have an abortion but I do NOT believe that this is a political issue.  I beleive that all individuals should be able to love and spend the rest of their life with their soul mate if they are of age and if they are the same sex--that's OK.  I don't believe that we should open the immigration flood gates but they do need to be monitored and we should ALWAYS give people the opportunity to become a US citizen especially if they will pay taxes.  On that note, we have a government that needs to be funded in some way and I believe that everyone should pay a fair portion of their income to help run our country.  I do think that the upper middle class is getting screwed but the rich people don't want to let go of more than they have to and they have the money and influence to make sure that doesn't happen.  I believe that we should promote the growth of business and industry as much as possible however I do not believe that we should put our natural resources in peril. 

Last but not least, I hate the term feminist.  If I want to be independent and have the same rights that men do why do you have to put a label on me that has become a negative connotation?  I know it's hard to believe that all women do not like to cook and clean.  (Gasp!)  It's true--cooking and cleaning sucks.  It really sucks in the Summer when it's hot outside.  I also hate to do laundry and fold clothes so I have a lot of clothes so I can go a long time without washing clothes.  This does not mean that I don't want to be with a man.   It doesn't mean that I don't like to work with men.  It just means that we want to be the same--as much as possible. 

So, I am a Catholic and I am a registered Republican.  I am an independent woman who is married and I am a Mother but I don't fit in the belief boxex.  Does anyone?

Aging

I wish I could say that the number doesn't bother me and it never has.  However, it does bother me and since I turned 30 it always has.  The year I was about to turn 30, I was so depressed that I only wanted to stay home on New Year's Eve and cry.  I can't remember if that is the year my sister MADE me go out or if I really did stay home and cry but I most certainly did not feel like celebrating.  In a little over a year, I will turn 50.  I wasn't too concerned when I turned 40 because I was a first time Mother to a beautiful baby boy and I was kind of busy trying to figure that part of life out.  My buddy D-Rock keeps telling me, "Don't tell anyone Yo!  You don't look your age."  In my head that used to be true.

I think that how well we age is largely determined by genetics.  My Mom who is in her late 60's barely has any wrinkles and she smokes.   My brother Jerry and myself have the face shape and eyes that make it hard to believe our true age.   My sister, Laurie and my brother, Jeremy look great as well.   Environmental factors can also affect this such as getting too much sun.  When I did lay out in the sun, I always covered my face with a towel.  Sometimes when I see women who like the head to toe tanned look including their face, I feel like telling them, "Girl, you're skin is going to be like leather when you get older."
 I'm beginning to notice the little things like drier skin, small wrinkles under my eyes, a few more brown spots and grey hairs here and there.  The worst is when we are talking about  Magic FM and the DJ's tell me that I'm not in demo.

Thankfully, society seems as though they are starting to embrace aging.  Did you see the Mac cosmetics campaign with this woman?  Her name is Iris and she designed her own line!  The line sold out in record time.  I love it! 
The Today Show did a story on a woman who began modeling in her 60's.  She had naturally grey hair and she looked fabulous. 

Maybe age is just a state of mind--I'll keep that in mind when I'm looking in the mirror.  I love spending time with my Grandma Geiser.  She has her favorite stories that she tells over and over again and there are two things she always says to me:  "All I have left at my age are my memories. I don't have anything to look forward to, I only have my memories."  She also says that although she is 97 (or is it 98?) years old, she still feels like a young girl.  I feel that way too, I'm almost 50 years old but I don't feel that old.  My husband says I don't act my age but I'm not sure he means that as a compliment.  Then I wonder, which girl am I?  The 25 year old, the 33 year old or the 48 year old?  Each of those decades, I was a different person with different experiences.  Sometimes, I will wonder if I should be wearing a particular shirt "at my age" then I decide that I really don't care--I'm sure my husband will tell me if I look ridiculous.  Sometimes I think about the "I Shoulds" then I decide that I really don't care.  I've always enjoyed life 110% and as long as I can do that I'll be happy.  Maybe I'll have botox to smooth the lines on my forehead--maybe I won't.  I can't have plastic surgey so that isn't a consideration.  I'm not so sure I'm willing to age gracefully, I kind of want to put up a fight.  I kind of think I don't have a choice in this matter.  Getting old kind of sucks. 

Pasword Hell

It's been a VERY long time since I've blogged simply because I could not remember the password.  I have never had a great memory and I've tried to keep my life simple by using one simple password for everything.  That worked for a very long time THEN they create more rules:  msust be 8 letters long, must contain at least one symbol and one letter, blah, blah, blah.  So, when my simple password would no longer suffice, I started using my husband's clever passoword.  The challenge is remembering which password I used before it locks me out:  Password A, Password  B, Darrell's password or a recent creation. 

My passwords are also an unintentional way to make my husband crazy.  When we share an account, sometimes I forget the password and in frustration I end up creating a new password and I forget to tell him.  He then gets frustrated as he can not log into our account.  He then asks me, "Honey, did you change the password?."  Me, "Oh yeah!  I forgot to tell you."  He loves that.    Other things that I do to make my husband:  I put things away in different places.  Not on purpose but because I decide that it would be better in a new place.  Not answer his questions on my blog topic.  Trying to leave events unplanned.  Piling crap on the dining room table.  (If I think of any new ones, I will let you know.)

Back on topic--I have heard internet gurus give tips on algorithims to create an unhackable password but I can't remember those.  There are three things that make me feel really old:  wrinkles, grey hair and remembering when we didn't need passwords.