What if...

This is a "What if.." blog but I hate "What if's" because you never REALLY know how you will respond, what you will do unless you are in the exact same situation some day.  The know it alls will say, "Of course I know what I would do based on my morals, opinions, blah, blah, blah."  You don't know because you aren't emotionally invested, because you don't know what it's like to make that spur of the moment decision, because you haven't had to experience the situation.

Here's the "What If"--What if you found out that you only have two years to live? This happened to a friend of mine from the radio world--Jim Berry.  I copied the following from his Facebook page:

"I’ve loved, loved, loved all the well wishes, prayers, and kind words as my family and I have gone through all the tests and news of breast cancer. I want you to know it takes something like this for you to re-evaluate your life and how you truly should live each day like it was your last. Have you? Maybe this will help you re-think. The bone biopsy of my spine revealed that my breast cancer as...

metastasized (spread). I now have stage 4 breast cancer, it is inoperable and incurable. My prognosis is 2 years. Do I think I will live longer than that, yes I do, no question. So consider me lucky, because I know my window, I know now that spending time with my girls and friends have an all new priority. DO NOT feel sorry for me, instead embrace your life and how you live it and let me be an inspiration in the future on how to live life to its fullest however much time we have left. God bless and Go Broncos!"

When I first read this, I thought, "How sad!"  Then I realized here is a man who will spread the word on getting checked.  Here is a man who knows how many days he has left.  Here is a man who can tie up the loose ends, who can tell the people that need to know that he loves them, he can savor every moment like it's his last one.  He can live and until death he is a Bronco fan!  Gotta love that!  So, why does it take a death sentence to remind us that we need to live? 

When someone close to us dies, we always say it, we always promise it but we never do it.  We promise ourselves to live every day like it was our  last but let's face it, that's impossible to do because short term and long term decisions don't always go together.  Here is my list of  things I would do, if I knew when I was going to die:

1.  I would call my Mom and Dad not only to tell them that I love them.  I would also tell them all the special moments when they did what Mom and Dad's do but they still meant a lot to me. 

2.  I would write letters to Blake because he needs to know that I will always be there for him even when I can't be there.  That he is the BEST thing that ever happened to me, that I love him with all of my heart, and that I'm proud of him always, no matter what.

3.  I would go on a trip with my husband--just the two of us.  We would laugh and drink and party like there was no tomorrow.  I would tan my entire body and face without worrying about wrinkles.  I would buy Chiclets from every child that came up to me.

4.  I would go on a trip with my sister because we get each other and we always have fun wherever we go.  I would hug and kiss her and thank her for taking the risks that I wouldn't.  I would tell her how much I admire her for taking care of everyone, for having a big heart and a soul that is kind.  I would also give her all of my clothes and jewelry only keeping a few things, freeing myself of most of my material possessions.

5.  I would hug and kiss all of my nieces and nephews and tell them how much I love them and why they are SO special to me.

6.  I would eat anything I want without worrying about gaining weight.

7.  I would sleep in because I like to sleep and I wouldn't worry about sleeping my  life away. 

8.  I would call all of my Aunts and Uncles to tell them thank you and I love you because they were there for me as much as my parents were.

9.  I would climb a mountain.

10.  I would give my favorite rocks to all of my favorite people.

11.  I would visit La Veta and the house that built me one last time.  I would go to my sisters , my Grandpas and my Grandmas' graves to tell them that I would see them soon and I miss them. 

12. I would walk on the beach one more time.

13.  I would go snorkeling with my son while we hold hands because that was truly one of the best experiences in my life.

14.  I would give my high school BFF all the notes we wrote each other in high school because I saved them all and because we are still teenage girls in our hearts. 

15.  I would cry myself to sleep every night because no one wants to leave their life.

16. I wouldn't feel guilty if I left someone out because I'm confident that you know I love you.

You know, it doesn't take knowing when I will die to do these things.  I do them now to some degree but I would do them more and I would savor each moment that much more.  Good luck Jim!   You have done so much to brighten peoples days and you are such a proud Father and Grandfather.   Thanks for the inspiration.

10 years later

On October 11,  2002 Annette Geiser and Darrell Reagan said those two little words that bind two people and their families together "till death do us part".  I'll be the first to say that until death do us part is hard!  I was 39 years old when I got married.  My Aunt Donna actually hugged Darrell and said, "I can't believe she did it.  I thought she would never get married."  That was very encouraging for my husband on our wedding day.  I have had other long term relationships but the weight of the commitment was not there.  I'll be the first to say that I've always had issues with commitment--it took me way too long to buy a house.   The week after I got a VERY small, easy to hide tattoo I had a panic attack due to the permanence of that spur of the moment decision.  It was a MAJOR MAJOR decision when I got my first dog--Bubba, the Akita.    Eventually, I bought a house, I started to laser off the tattoo but it hurt like hell so I haven't finished and Bubba went everywhere with me for eleven years.  When Darrell Reagan asked me to marry him, I said yes.  I teased him about the manner of the proposal but as he says, every time he had a big plan, I did something to make him mad and question his decision.  True Story.  We quickly planned a beautiful wedding in front of our friends and family. 

So at the age of 39 I finally got married and a year later I became a mother.  We were married in October, Blake was born in September--do the math, it was not a shot gun wedding.  When people, would ask me why I wasn't married I would say, "Because I'm hard to get along with."  Honestly, sometimes, I am.  I like to get my way, I am very opinionated, I am stubborn and I can be what I call "stupid stubborn"  (my brother does that too.) . I  also have a tendency to separate myself from others when I'm mad or sad.  Conversely, I think I can be a lot of fun to be with, I am generous and I am very protective of my family and my home.  Darrell is very easy going and seems quiet but he is not a push over.  He is a little more sensitive then what I was used to and he is very smart.  I'm not saying I'm smarter than most people but I can convince people that I'm right.  Due to his intelligence, he could shoot holes through most of my arguments despite my high level of passion.   In the beginning, it was tough to say the least but we persevered and we made it to the ten year mark.  What was the over and under on that?  Some people say that I changed a lot when I became a mother but it was really the combination of the marriage and our baby.

When I look at my parents who have been married almost 50 years, the 10 year mark seems like a small stepping stone but I truly believe that my stubbornness (and his)  is a strength and the secret to a marriage that lasts.   There were times that we wanted to give up but we didn't.  I'm sure there were times my parents wanted to give up but they didn't.  You also need anchors like your children, your belief in the commitment to each other and to both of our families.  I can't imagine life without my Mom and Dad and brothers and sisters and I can't imagine my life without Pama and Papa, Kate, John, Addy, Marlena and Karston.

We have shared incredibly joyous occasions like the birth of our son.  We have shared painfully sad occasions when I cried like a blubbering idiot.  Darrell is always there for me to help me smile, to help me heal and to help me make important decisions.   Nothing could erase or take away these moments in our life.  We aren't perfect and we don't get along all of the time but we are still together.

Cheers to 10 more years together Darrell Reagan--I love you.